When my wife left, I was sad, upset and lonely.
Since then I’ve got a dog, bought a motorcycle, started dating again and gained 15 pounds. She’s gonna be pissed when she gets home from work.
😾
If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.
If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics.
Someone will come to argue with you.
I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.
Men: Masters of multitasking – can watch sports, ignore laundry, and forget your birthday, all at once.
Drive like no one is watching.
My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.
A.I. art is great. I give it three thumbs up.
I called my wife to see if she wanted me to pick up Fish & Chips on my way home from work, and she hung up on me. I think she’s still mad that she let me name the twins.
My Grandpa reached 110 yesterday.
That’s the last time I get in the car with him driving…
I bet the guy who invented pants wasn’t even wearing any pants when he invented them.
If you’re being pursued by an assailant on a space hopper, a tack is the best form of defence.
Mapping the Lickability of the Periodic Table
