What…what happens if the crabs learn how to read???
It appears that late last night someone broke into the house and ate all the ice cream in the freezer. I’ve volunteered to lead the investigation but I doubt we’ll ever find the guy who did it
That took me a moment.
My daughter just watched “Cujo” for the first time.
Guess who’s putting shaving cream around the dogs mouth later ?
10: Dad, what’s the opposite of “discombobulated?”
Husband:
Me, yelling from the kitchen: You don’t know, do NOT say “combobulated!”
DIE HARD (1988)
Rated R, 2 hrs. 12 min.
The dead guy from The Sixth Sense throws Snape out of a window. Merry Christmas!
One of the worst parts of the pandemic was, without a doubt, when celebrities checked in to tell us how difficult their lives have been having to quarantine inside their mansions.
You can use the phrase “lickity split” as much as you want at work and they can’t fire you.
My 8 year old son got a Wonka Bar for Christmas. His friend said that he didn’t know they sold them in real life & my son said of course they Oompa loompa doompety doo.
The first rule of Tall Girl Club is we must introduce ourselves by telling eachother where we were able to find pants
Have kids so there’s always someone around to hand you trash
I don’t need a security alarm because I leave all my shoes in a pile inside the front door.
If love is blind, why the hell can I still see my husband standing there with a tank top tucked into his shorts.
I was on the fence about starting a new diet, but then the fence broke.
oh you like bad boys? well sometimes i cite articles i’ve only skimmed