DADDY! You said the S word.
With Bull in front of it.
Please vote for people who are attractive
Do you have little ones who are nervous about flying? This is a great bedtime read before you go.
Strive for greatness. Do 15 pushups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Burn your ex’s house down. Eat the whole cake instead of a slice. I believe in you.
Icarus loved hot wings.
Be nice to us folks who wear glasses. We paid money to see you.
Stages of beard length:
1.) sexy stubble
2.) sea captain
3.) prisoner of war
4.) homeless person
5.) wizard
is she “spiritual” or does she just really like rocks?
To whomever keeps trying to access my Microsoft Office account:
Bro, I don’t even wanna be in there.
Her: How were the joggers I got you for your birthday?
Dracula: Delicious
My son asked if there’s such a thing as fire tornados and I said I don’t know, and he looked wistfully out the window and said “I sure hope so” yeah man fingers crossed
what do you want
Three men tried to rob my friend at gun point yesterday in Atlanta and he was so annoyed he was like “what do yall want? Advice? Cause I don’t have any money”LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
My partner is the most pure of heart person alive lol
