I’m always Beware #MakesMeCautious
Sure Romeo & Juliet is a great love story but have you heard Sk8er Boi?
if speaking russian makes my b’s into v’s then soviet
Apparently trying to edit the family cookbook to include ‘minced feelings’ at the end of every recipe’s ingredients list is “not okay” and I need to “seriously cut it out”.
When you’re shopping with your mom and accidently lose track of her
me: why do you think my parents don’t love me
therapist: they’re pretty clear about it in the group chat
me: the what
Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid😭😂
Eating my 8 spiders on New Years Day this year to get it out of the way
You repeat the same mistakes expecting different results. I do this also
We are not the sane
Bought a “Best Moments of 2021” magazine and the pages were blank
Me: Its so funny I keep dropping my phone
My phone: Yeah, you crack me up
If my mother only knew the things I say on Twitter………. I’d be sitting in the corner with a bar of soap in my mouth and grounded.
Heading to Lowe’s to pretend like I know wtf I’m doing.
As the best book lists of 2021 drop
interviewer: describe yourself
me: you know the urge to awkwardly hobble-run across the road when someone lets you cross? i am basically that energy manifested into an entire person
interviewer: ok