gimma back my stick frost man… 😖☃️
[pet store]
me: are the birds expensive?
employee: they’re going cheap
me: I know how they work
gimma back my stick frost man… 😖☃️
gimma back my stick frost man… 😖☃️
[pet store]
me: are the birds expensive?
employee: they’re going cheap
me: I know how they work
Every liquor store should sell lemons, limes, and oranges!!!!!!!!!
Caller ID isn’t enough for Me I need to know why you’re calling.
THE HOT FISH FROM NEMO???? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE HOT FISH FROM NEMO?????
Fell on the stairs and I’m happy to report that my dog immediately came to rescue… the empty can of cat food in my hand.
A kid came up to me in the grocery store just now and loudly proclaimed, “Kale is my power vegetable! What’s your power vegetable?” I tried to come up with an answer but it was clear that I didn’t have one. They said, “It’s OK. I didn’t find my power vegetable until I was 6.”
Probably even more relevant for the next couple of days.
“Just make sure he knows these are for Christmas AND his birthday”
Happy Birthday if it’s yours today.
Black rotten roses & run over kittens
Teeth falling out & a test is unwritten
Naked in public becoming a meme
Theseareafewofmyterribledreams
Willie Wonka: Lickable wallpaper!
Oompa Loompa #24: We’ve done that.
Willie Wonka: But this time they’re laced with antidepressants!
Veruca Salt: The snozzberries taste like… like… *sniff* like I can forgive my mother…
Dear everyone,
I’ve seen all of your tweets this year.
You’re all getting dictionaries for Christmas.Sincerely,
Santa Claus.
Can’t we all just binge watch season 2022 and get it over with?