I feel like we have to go see the Matrix because Keanu would go and see one of our movies if we made one.
Me, as a surgeon: Nurse, give me 50 CCs of the thing from the thing. Stat.
Nurse: The what?
Me: Just do it, ok.
A random lady complimented me on my dress and said how lovely it looked on me
So I did what any reasonable person would do
Walked into a lamp post and fell over
Them: Yeah my cat is completely happy being vegan
Cat:
holiday horror movie idea: you have 10 days to complete a completely reasonable task that takes 20 minutes to do
You can keep your damn ferrets
And your dumb fancy rats
He’s got no time for goldfish
And far less for cats
Snakes are for weirdos
As are lizards and frogs
For him there’s only one choice
The real holiday hell happens after the gifts are unwrapped and it’s time to read instructions and assemble things.
Circling toys in the Christmas catalog as a kid for your parents is the same as sending links to your spouse as an adult.
I never blamed anyone for my broken dreams except maybe myself but mostly my alarm clock.
It’s amazing how many errands I’m willing to run when family is in town. No, no you relax. I’ll go.
Doctor: That mule really kicked you. I’m afraid there’s some bleeding on the brain
Me: He gave me a bloody knows, LOL
If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘donuts’. I’ll turn around and look.
If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘donuts’. I’ll turn around and look.
If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘donuts’. I’ll turn around and look.