You can keep your damn ferrets
And your dumb fancy rats
He’s got no time for goldfish
And far less for cats
Snakes are for weirdos
As are lizards and frogs
For him there’s only one choice
The real holiday hell happens after the gifts are unwrapped and it’s time to read instructions and assemble things.
Circling toys in the Christmas catalog as a kid for your parents is the same as sending links to your spouse as an adult.
I never blamed anyone for my broken dreams except maybe myself but mostly my alarm clock.
It’s amazing how many errands I’m willing to run when family is in town. No, no you relax. I’ll go.
Doctor: That mule really kicked you. I’m afraid there’s some bleeding on the brain
Me: He gave me a bloody knows, LOL
If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘donuts’. I’ll turn around and look.
If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘donuts’. I’ll turn around and look.
If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘donuts’. I’ll turn around and look.
Her: See ya later alligator!
Me: *slithers into swamp*
Effort made
Not sure why iPhoto doesn’t have a “that’s my ex, please stop” button
If Mr Krabs owned a bar
can’t stop thinking about people that first ate mushrooms they found and just had to go through trial and error of like, this one tastes like beef, this one killed Brian immediately and this one makes you see God for a week
like u make the diseases or are against them ?