What has 15 actors, 4 settings, 2 writers and 1 plot line?
632 Hallmark Christmas movies.
My 4 yr old niece is on the hyper side so my brother-in-law was trying to teach her about behaving and said “little girls are made of sugar and spice and what else?” and in her best batman voice she replied, “BLOOD AND BONES.”
NURSE: the doctor has pronounced your father dead
ME: oh my god we’ve been calling him dad all this time
Choose a job that you love, and your boss will never have to work a day in their life.
*walks into Apple store
“SIRI PLAY JUSTEN BIEBER!!”
*walks out of Apple store
whenever i wake up before my alarm
Some Things Never Change 😀
#archaeohistories
I left a note for my kids this morning to put my clothes in the dryer. Next time, I’ll have to be a little more specific and add START THE DRYER TOO!!!
*at bedtime
And in this corner weighing in at 32 pounds is a toddler calling herself the Intimidator. I see she has a “Sleep is for the weak” tattoo on her forearm and has made a strong move refusing pajamas and crying for mommy…
when ur a kid the only thing ur worst enemy has to do is find a word that rhymes with ur name and ur cooked. one time my friend’s nemesis called him michael michael motorcycle and he was messed up for days. it didn’t matter how cool motorcycles are. it rhymed. he was toast
I almost ran somebody over yesterday, I guess I’ll have to try harder next time
*at swingers club*
me: so how does this work? do we both go at the same time or do I push you first?
Crows that are stuck together are called Vel-crows
(Musicians.)