Some Things Never Change 😀
#archaeohistories
I left a note for my kids this morning to put my clothes in the dryer. Next time, I’ll have to be a little more specific and add START THE DRYER TOO!!!
*at bedtime
And in this corner weighing in at 32 pounds is a toddler calling herself the Intimidator. I see she has a “Sleep is for the weak” tattoo on her forearm and has made a strong move refusing pajamas and crying for mommy…
when ur a kid the only thing ur worst enemy has to do is find a word that rhymes with ur name and ur cooked. one time my friend’s nemesis called him michael michael motorcycle and he was messed up for days. it didn’t matter how cool motorcycles are. it rhymed. he was toast
I almost ran somebody over yesterday, I guess I’ll have to try harder next time
*at swingers club*
me: so how does this work? do we both go at the same time or do I push you first?
Crows that are stuck together are called Vel-crows
(Musicians.)
Boss: And you’re not showing the new people around until you stop referring to the washroom as “where the magic happens”
I know
I sure have purchased an inordinate amount of ringtones, for someone who keeps their phone on Silent.
How do extroverts know when to leave a party if they don’t have an introvert with them telling them it’s time to go? Do they just stay and make eggs for everyone in the morning? Rent their guestroom? Marry into the family? I have so many questions.
Welcome to marriage. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in a court of in-laws
I bet Jesus got tired of hearing, “This gift is for Christmas AND your birthday.”
Doctor: I told you to gargle with salt water.
Me *slurping ramen noodles*: ᵍᵃʳᵍˡᵉᵍᵃʳᵍˡᵉ