i gave my friends who live close by a spare key in case i lose mine and they’ve just been using it to come over and play baldurs gate when im not home
My bf said he was sick of my jokes about ghosts having sex with owls.
Well, boo-fucking-hoo.
These infographics don’t work on me because my takeaway is always that 17 donuts isn’t as bad as I thought
if you can’t find a man on a dating app, store bought is fine
a camel walks into a bar and the
bartender says, “hey you can’t bring your own drinks in here”
I need to go to jail for about 18 months to catch up on all my reading.
Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down
tarot lady: someone wants to talk to you
me: stop threatening me
Top of the ramen to ya, laddies
The other day a number of people at work told me that I had a lovely healthy glow about me and had caught the sun a little. I was far too embarrassed to tell them it was actually a rather uncomfortable eczema flare up
Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now.
I really appreciate the opportunity though.
my best friend is a doula and while attending a birth last night, her husband used their shared spotify account at home…which meant that “cotton eyed joe” began blasting right as the mom began to push 💀💀💀