Polyamorous: in a relationship with more than one partner
Monopoly-amorous: plays board games with more than one group of friends
Literally any podcast host asking their guest a question
Suddenly all I own are skinny jeans.
9, playing an iPad game: Weird… I accidentally did something and my character became fat.
Me: Same.
Captain Crunch is basically an exfoliator for your mouth
“I hope this email finds you well”
The email finding me
Found a pic in a box buried deep in the closet of me sitting on Santa’s knee. Hard to believe that was two whole years ago!
Listening to my mom tell a story is akin to a verbal version of Russian nesting dolls.
When I’m old enough, my kids better not leave me alone with a box of Crayolas and anything upholstered
Just won a sausage biscuit at this basketball game. Never give up on your dreams.
I just want to be as happy as the couple described in the first five minutes of any Dateline episode.
“You’d better run, egg!”
ok this is my dumbest yet
losing my mind at my mom’s reply to my insta story
Welcome to your 40s, you now think every car has its brights on