The name Sir Mix-a-lot sounds like he would be better at baking than rapping
If you’re over 60, don’t shovel snow
the duality of man
putting a “Wellness Room” sign above the main exit at work.
Haircuts should be covered by healthcare
There’s something I really need to get off my chest tonight
Throws bra on the floor
I feel much better
Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.
8 year old: we’re learning about ancient Rome at school
me: awesome! I’ve actually been to the Colosseum
8 year old: did you watch the people fighting?
Chefs: you eat with your eyes first
Me, eating with my mouth: oh no
Emma is smarter than all of us.
Love bombing?
I’ve never even been love water ballooned
Sitting outside of a bar re-reading the Hinge profile of the dude I’m about to meet like I’m cramming for a test
Steven: Good evening
Stephen: Good ephening
I swear to god after this election I’m taking a long break from social media for 2-3 hours