the chicken was already gone when I got here
I just said, “Have a good nice!” to a drive-thru attendant, so real quick everybody start saying that so I don’t feel stupid, thanks
I ran out of coffee and my husband said I should just have tea instead so the next time he wanted to have sex I said he should just have tea instead
Is it even the holidays if you don’t have at least one person wearing an inappropriate and inflammatory political shirt to dinner?
Me- Tonight’s menu consists of savory wild fowl and a side of greens a la creme de mushrooms complete with a robust sprinkling of onions
14- So Turkey and green bean casserole again?
I don’t really like pie, but I will still eat six pieces to be polite.
Double negatives are never not confusing.
I just wrote that it has already been an exceptionally long eeek and I don’t even feel the need to correct it.
I’m the sort of person you can bring home to meet your parents, if you’re looking to be written out of their will.
I saw this ending much differently.
This is not how I wanted to learn the Greek alphabet
I thought this was funny lol
Lou loved his job but if he had a nickel for every time someone asked if he was “monitoring the situation” he would never have to pay for another rat dinner.