Had a spot of bother earlier.
I HAD
THE TIME OF MY LIFE
AND I NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE
my fav colour is also hitler
Now she’s falling asleep, and I’m calling a crab.
I hate being bipolar it’s awesome
What’s worse than a chick telling you she only thinks of you as a friend? When she says she thinks of you like a brother.
i have to be eating a burrito for the facial recognition to work
me after eating Cheetos
2021 is the perfect year to test out my new response to any awkward family Thanksgiving topics: “I don’t wanna talk about ______, I wanna talk about Taylor Swift..”
Talk to me when you have a shirt & tie that didn’t come in the same box.*
*Grave robbers exempt.
Listen, I’m as surprised as you are that I have no murderous ex-lovers, but I was gifted (and/or cursed) with the ability to leave someone so tenderly they’re left thinking it was their idea, and wondering why they ever let me go.
Once again thinking about the most Massachusetts headline I’ve ever seen
This Thanksgiving, take a break from arguing with people online and do it in person.
I wish I could fall as gracefully as a winter coat slinking off the back of a chair.