My most difficult parenting challenge to date is when my toddler shouted “oh my god, not again!” when my over talkative neighbour came to chat to us and I had to try not to laugh
Warden: Have you completed your analysis?
Me: After poring over the data, your prison has some pros. And lots of cons LOL
Warden: I’m not paying you
Welcome to your 40s: everyone can hear you when you stand up now.
can’t talk my ride’s here
If any of you are going Black Friday shopping this week please try and be a decent human being and turn your phone horizontal before recording any fights.
I ate a kids meal at Wendy’s
his mom was furious
I was dating this guy who took me home to his parents’ house for the weekend and his mom was learning taxidermy and I slept in a room with all her practice chickens
One a scale of keystone light to jaeger how drunk are you sir?
PANCAKE
ok I need you to step out of the car
Today’s workout. 7 x 4 min intervals, 90 min walk. Participated in polar bear swim. Banned from the zoo.
Online shopping is a scam, I ordered my wife expensive jewelry but they sent new fishing gear
Those turkeys presidents pardon? HUGE campaign donors.
Marsupials have pouches and the good manners to keep children out of sight.
Sometimes you just need to burn everything down to start over.. take a deep breath. close your eyes and enjoy the heat..
aaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnd apparently that’s also arson.
I traveled over 500 miles to go home and one of first things my mom says is “you need a haircut”