just found a error in Titanic: they play a song by Celine Dion, but the film is set in 1912 and she actually wasn’t even born until 1968
Feels like there should be a middle ground
Sometimes nothing goes well. Other times you draw a mustache on a photo as a revenge, and the person on the photo sees it and to your surprise actually grows a mustache because he liked it
A few hardest things to say:
“I Was Wrong” “I Need Help”
“Worcestershire Sauce”
If you’re having a bad day just remember, somewhere in the world someone’s telling their parents they’re a life coach
i’m cautious about following people back these days because i follow when they look normal and next week they’re banging horses
OK, THAT’S IT! [angrily slams newspaper down on table] I am DONE with the Family Circus!
My wife and I have to put drops in the cat’s eye before we go to work. Just in case you see a headline like “Couple mauled to death by two pound kitten” tomorrow
Him: I want a million dollars
Genie: Like hell u do, 🤣🤣, here’s a years free subscription of NetflixMe: I want my kid to keep all his toys properly
Genie:
Genie: How about a million dollars instead
3: My mask is gonna keep my nose safe so my boogers don’t fall out of my body
Ok, I think I’ve pinpointed who screwed up the ozone layer
I was getting out of my car, twisted weird, lost my balance, bounced off the car next to me and then back to my car. I hope everyone in the parking lot was taking detailed notes on how to exit your car like a Weeble Wobble.
Let’s get married and have kids, so we can have mini versions of ourselves do that annoying thing that our spouse does but louder.
My mum is visiting this weekend and she has taken the absolute best photo of the cats.
Why is it called a corn maze, when we could just call it a maize?