Sitting outside of a bar re-reading the Hinge profile of the dude I’m about to meet like I’m cramming for a test
Steven: Good evening
Stephen: Good ephening
I swear to god after this election I’m taking a long break from social media for 2-3 hours
there was a fight tonight in ~hot sculpted yoga tonight bc one girl took another girl’s mat and it ended w the first girl *flicking the other girl’s forehead* after the teacher saying “don’t do it..don’t do it…DON’T DO IT’ and when she did it the whole class collectively gasped
Never tell your electrical engineer parent you want to be a transformer for Halloween.
“Have you seen the cat, Sam?”
“The what now?”
Husband made a meme about our baby’s reaction every time he sees the cat
Talk about a bad egg
😤😤
I shortened the rope on the bucket used to collect the village’s water. Didn’t go down well.
Kids will really get mad and tell you Mom don’t ever do THAT again, and THAT is just sending fruit in their school lunch
“Awkward silences are the worst”
*Someone, inventing the kazoo… probably
I’m making fish cakes covered in breadcrumbs. I’ve never been covered in breadcrumbs before, never mind made fish cakes.
“I’m sick to death of people saying we’ve made 11 albums that sound exactly the same. In fact, we’ve made 12 albums that sound exactly the same.” ― Angus Young, AC/DC
