How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
8 to reassure the public
7 to blame the other side
5 to form a conspiracy
3 to debate its importance
2 to sabotage the lightbulb
1 to screw the lightbulb into the toilet bowl and declare the problem solved
i’m sick of blessings in disguise. i am ready for a blessing with absolutely no disguise whatsoever
*kicking in your front door*
I’M GONNA REARRANGE YOUR FURNITURE IT LOOKS STUPID
It’s almost midnight and my 44 years old ass is still up trying to figure out what I’m going to wear for the costume party that social-me proposed at work and now no-social- tired-broke me wants to punch me right on the nununana for having that dumb idea.
Said hello to someone, they didn’t hear me, immediately assumed it was some sort of sixth sense situation
My mood ring just jumped into the trash compactor.
I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.
My 5 y/o just pooped teal. I asked what she ate and she said, I hid in the pantry yesterday and ate all the blue sprinkles in the shaker. FFS
My phone is so dry I haven’t even gotten a text from a politician
I don’t like people staring at me on a good day let alone when I’m naked in the Smithsonian with my mummy bandages removed.
oh youre into retro physical media and urban exploration? enjoy getting killed by a japanese ghost while im playing black ops 6 in my unhaunted house, idiot
when someone says they don’t like reading books, im like cool, you do you psycho
This feels like a whole lot of trolley problems for a country with hardly any public transportation
“WyD oN HallOwEeN?”
workin bro its a thursday