I’ve worked several high-pressure corporate jobs, but I never put more effort into the way I look than when I’m working with kids. Like, the CEO of a company never asked me what happened to my hair or why I’m dressed like Beetlejuice.
I’m standing in the middle of the party with a bag full of burritos just now realizing B.Y.O.B. was referring to beer.
The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just catholicism
Headlines With Threatening Auras.
Darth Vader: “My wife is dead so l’m gonna kill a lot of people :(”
Someone: “Oh, that sucks. Who killed her?”
Darth Vader: >:(
Children of the Corn Man
Happy #NationalCrocDay to all the lovers and haters.
I’ve finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it’s called an “audiobook”.
vegan guy : im so hungry
horse : [calmly] how hungry
My wife is in the kitchen and she will not bring me a beer here in the livingroom. That’s it…gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are.
Truth or Dare would be a much funnier game if you told a truth and people had to guess the question. For example, someone says “Since we met” and the question could either be “How long have you been in love with me” or “How long have you been wanting to kill me”
imagine playing truth or dare and they dare you to go home
The only thing I hate more than answering my phone is checking my voice mail messages
You see my problem here
Cathy on Facebook hates being sick.
Really Cathy ? …..Most people love it.
