Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it will make you hotter than your ex. Which is sort of the same thing.
An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil dumbasses doing it instead
2nd day of the kickstarter…thank u for such an amazing day yesterday….. i love you
I should put a bowl of this Halloween candy in my office in case anyone wants some.
-Me, working from home. Alone.
it’s so over update: accidentally pushed the button that set my desk into standing mode but couldn’t be bothered to get up so spent 10 mins like this until someone walked past and shamed me into resolution
*on my death bed* Why didn’t I just buy a normal bed?
Dookie Cough is how folks were dying on the Oregon trail.
Not to brag but the USA has nicer neighbors than Canada.
People knock the internet but I’ve just discovered that Swindon Town is the only league football club in England or Scotland that doesn’t contain any letters that appear in the word mackerel.
I’ve worked several high-pressure corporate jobs, but I never put more effort into the way I look than when I’m working with kids. Like, the CEO of a company never asked me what happened to my hair or why I’m dressed like Beetlejuice.
I’m standing in the middle of the party with a bag full of burritos just now realizing B.Y.O.B. was referring to beer.
The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just catholicism
Headlines With Threatening Auras.
Darth Vader: “My wife is dead so l’m gonna kill a lot of people :(”
Someone: “Oh, that sucks. Who killed her?”
Darth Vader: >:(