“Awkward silences are the worst”
*Someone, inventing the kazoo… probably
I’m making fish cakes covered in breadcrumbs. I’ve never been covered in breadcrumbs before, never mind made fish cakes.
“I’m sick to death of people saying we’ve made 11 albums that sound exactly the same. In fact, we’ve made 12 albums that sound exactly the same.” ― Angus Young, AC/DC
Hoping for an open bar at the toddler birthday, but I have cash just in case.
Finally
kids are all grown up so I guess it’s time to teach the cat to drive
Boss: you’re late
Me: I know, and I’ve decided to keep it. See you in court
Boss: I hate you
As an actor, I do my best work when jobs call me as a reference for my friends
So apparently a doctor’s note doesn’t get you out of work for multiple years
I get badly burnt by the sun, hate garlic and can be killed by a wooden stake through the heart. I wonder if there is something my uncle Vlad never told me.
I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work
having a room in your house where there is a car and a refrigerator is crazy to me
Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it will make you hotter than your ex. Which is sort of the same thing.
An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil dumbasses doing it instead
2nd day of the kickstarter…thank u for such an amazing day yesterday….. i love you
