I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.
Be brave. Tell your boss “I don’t think we are quite there yet” when he uses your first name.
I’m the guy that pushes on a pull door then leaves because I think the door is locked.
Dr Raygun has achieved a feat absolutely unheard of in academia – people are reading her thesis
My 6-year-old is looking at pictures of me when I was 18 and she keeps saying “You still look the same!” Might write her siblings out of the will and leave everything to her idk
Always this one for me forever
“we will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems
To every YT creator out there
Never put text on the bottom..
Biggest mistake in my life.
Streamers say ‘mods’ the same way a medieval lord would say ‘guards’
today my coworker unknowingly told Zooey Deschanel that she “looks like Zooey Deschanel but older” ⚰️
can anyone recommend some good behaviours for someone who just started behaving
woman protagonist, written by a man: i looked in the mirror. i wasn’t beautiful. but i was fine with that. my hair is brown, and i am 35. but i wont let that kill me
“Eat only when you’re hungry” OK but what if I eat because I feel like something inside of me is missing and there’s a non-zero chance that missing thing is 27 more oreos
growing up there was a cody in every elementary school class but as an adult i haven’t met a cody in years. where did they go
[getting shot out of a cannon] *to my date* I’ll call you when I land, Denise.