never let them know your next move: signal left, then turn right
Me: “Wait. You want me to go out shopping, pay for the presents, wrap them up, and then tell my family and friends they were from you?”
Santa: “I mean, when you say it like that it sounds kinda bad.”
My son wants a proper drum kit for Christmas but I’ve only got him a miniature one so I’m expecting wee percussions…
*wraps present*
Ugh. Where are the gift tags? Whatever, I’ll remember who it’s for.
[20 minutes later]
Shit.
You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”
I can handle anything that comes my way except for when I’m hungry or sleepy or stressed or have a stuffy nose
I remember being a kid and telling my mom I thought it was weird that her and Santa had the same handwriting. But now as an adult I just think it’s weird that she still gets him to write the gift tags
Him: I need advice.
Me: (eating red velvet cake for breakfast) You came to the right person.
Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”
*pouring wine over ice cream*
No, I had a great day. Why do you ask?
whatever you do don’t give your heart away for christmas, this one dude never got his back and won’t shut up about it
Asked my 9 yo how his day went and he responded with, “well, it started off just like any other Wednesday…”
Have you experienced humidity? You may be entitled to condensation.