Hey man be careful on the trampoline one of my buddies never came back down
Date night is paying someone $120 to have fun with your kids so you can argue with your spouse in peace.
Couldn’t recommend it enough.
Asking people “is it a chapter book?” When they tell me what they’re reading
this meeting could have been a push down the stairs
Just picked up half the middle school boys basketball team to take them for burgers after practice.
Not enough febreeze in the world to fix this car now.
Either there are two cops in my fridge or I’ve accidentally opened the front door again
Person: Do you have a license for that thing?
Me [from my wheelchair]: No, that got revoked years ago.
no exceptions
“FOUND ‘EM!”
This is Cassie. She was chasing waves when they started chasing her back. Had to throw it in reverse real quick. 13/10
currently into monogamous friendships. if u have Other friends please dont talk to me it hurts my heart
I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.