My wife is in the kitchen and she will not bring me a beer here in the livingroom. That’s it…gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are.
Truth or Dare would be a much funnier game if you told a truth and people had to guess the question. For example, someone says “Since we met” and the question could either be “How long have you been in love with me” or “How long have you been wanting to kill me”
imagine playing truth or dare and they dare you to go home
The only thing I hate more than answering my phone is checking my voice mail messages
You see my problem here
Cathy on Facebook hates being sick.
Really Cathy ? …..Most people love it.
People are usually shocked that I have a Police record.
I don’t know why. They made pretty good music.
He doesn’t bite he is more into sabotage
nobody’s ever dunked on babies this hard and never will
Hey man be careful on the trampoline one of my buddies never came back down
Date night is paying someone $120 to have fun with your kids so you can argue with your spouse in peace.
Couldn’t recommend it enough.
Asking people “is it a chapter book?” When they tell me what they’re reading
this meeting could have been a push down the stairs