No fruit flies.
No fruit flies.
No fruit flies.[buys a single banana]
87,000,000 fruit flies.
I’d tell you to go to hell but I work there and I don’t want to see you everyday.
Coming out of the gym, taking a big drag on my protein cigarette
Remembering when I was in 7th grade and my bestie and I realized our grandpas both fought in WW2 and we were like “omg were they besties too?? 🥹🥹” and then I told my mom and she was like “honey……..Noelle is German”
the lady who waxes my eyebrows asked me what my favorite local hot dog places are and i got so animated she had to stop working for a second
going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh this is how you’re living?!”
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; you either have a naked window neighbor or you are the naked window neighbor
My family gathered to speak to me about my obsession with the Greek gods. Call it divine intervention.
we had to replace our dishwasher a few months ago and i genuinely had to argue with the store that i wanted the stupidest machine they had. there is not a single situation in the world in which my dishwasher needs wifi
Not to be all get off my lawn about it but at what point are we going to decide that maybe our vacuums and our refrigerators don’t need to connect to the internet and I shouldn’t need to have a password to do my laundry.
Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.
I asked my boyfriend if he believed in trolls and elves and he said, “slightly.”
I forgot the word “espresso” so I asked the barista for a smaller, angrier coffee
Just caught a glimpse of myself in a shop window and realised I’ve got my trousers on upside down 🤦🏻♂️
A great first step 😂
