the wife told me that we’re invited to a country themed party so I’m wearing this
She argues in Italian
She sings to you in French
She yells at you in German
In tones that make you clench
The girl is complicated
And very hard to please
When you disappoint her
She
🔥🔥
Just saw a guy running down the road with a cape on, so I shouted, “Hey! Are you a superhero!?”
He yelled “no I didn’t pay for my haircut!”
When your toilet is getting married, what’s the appropriate gift?
If you find yourself in a really awkward conversation do what I do; put your pants back on and leave.
no one:
no one:
8: if there is a Hell, I’d like to take a tour
Kid Me: “I can’t wait till I become an adult, then I can stay up past 10:00pm”
Adult me at 9:30pm: “Zzzzzzzz”
I found £20 laying on the ground and I asked myself, what would Jesus do? 🤔
So, I turned it into wine.
Me: No more questions your honor
Judge: The lawyers say that, not you
I tried to pay with cash today, and the kid at the register looked at me like I was showing him a magic trick.
you should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science
my one cat vomited her dinner and then the other cat went in and started eating it
and that, my friends, is what chatgpt is to me
