Did you know that when you meet an Indian, you can choose not to mention “Slumdog Millionaire”?
they say if you lose one of your senses the other ones become heightened like for instance i lost my sense of humor in a boating accident but now my sense of style is so on point i can tell when someone’s wearing white after labor day by just looking at them.
I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.
Never date someone just for their body. Intros, conclusions, and section transitions matter.
Got kicked out of the gang for taking instant photos of the homies and calling them brolaroids
Can we please stop with the travel hack of booking seats on the aisle and window in the hope of having a spare seat in between? As a solo traveller who has now been stuck in between these travel hackers it sucks. Talking over me, passing snacks over me etc. Just sit together.
The man who invented AutoCorrect walks into a barn.
He orders a bear.
my lawyer: so, you wish to be cryogenically frozen & you are not to be unthawed until somebody kills that big spider in your bathroom?
me, eating a corn dog: that’s correct, your honor.
Statisticly 6 out of 7 dwarfs arent happy…
hmmmmmm
The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.
Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.