Hold on I just need to take of my glasses and put my face in my hands about it first
If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin
Let that sink in
My wife treats me like a check engine light
She does something that turns me on
Then ignores me and hopes I go away
Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats
I’m seeing someone new, and we’re at the stage where it’s all sunshine and lollipops and he hasn’t seen me eat a quesadilla like a hungry dinosaur at 2am.
re there other nogs or do we only have the egg one?
need someone to feed me Doritos while i read, so i don’t mess up the pages. no weirdos.
It really ruins the vibe when you’re sharing a hilarious story from your childhood and people are like “omg that’s horrible” or “do you want my therapist’s phone number?”
My bad habits got renewed for another season.
I accidentally convinced people at work that I know what I’m doing and now I’m fighting for my life
I had a parent text me saying her 7yo son wouldn’t believe that she knew how to do a math homework problem he was confused about, and would I please text back saying she is correct so that he will get ready for bed. 😂
My 6yo said he loves me more than chores, so I’ve got that going for me
My 12yo stole all the nice socks that I rightfully stole first from my mom.
I’ve been playing fast and loose with expiration dates ever since I watched a documentary about a British man who lives entirely off road kill.
is it just me or are we all a little bit disappointed whenever they lift a tsunami warning