That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test
“the angry hot sky ball is gone…”
🖤🤣
Which is it, brain?
Does nothing matter or do I need to be anxious about everything
Other than that, Mrs. Gloop, how was the chocolate factory?
they should schedule doctor appts like
DOORS 8:15
Nurse 8:25
Doctor 8:40
i’m a single issue voter. i’m single and it’s an issue
The program was great. Not only did we have a yabba dabba doo time but we had a gay old time.
My age is news to me every single time I remember
Every single bad day happened because I woke up
Me: It’s time to get ready for school.
Kid: UUUGGGGHHH NOOO WHYYYY?!?
Me: Dude, this shouldn’t come as a surprise. You’ve been doing this every day for 10 years now.
[6 hours later]
Kid: What are we having for dinner?
Me: UUUGGGGHHH NOOO WHYYYY?!
Tried to save some money by getting Halloween candy at Aldi. I hope kids like Twicks, Skattles, and 4 Musketeers.
The year is 2075. Nuclear fallout has caused genetic mutations resulting in people having six to eight fingers on each hand. Some people have three arms. It’s horrifying, but on the plus side, AI-generated art finally looks true to life.
Only sending condolence cards when someone dies is not enough. We need a range of cards that enable us to sympathise with people about smaller things too
on da cob, we all corn
Would you eat from the Hummus Truck?
