oh you like nyc? name every rat
I’ve had some terrible ideas but never “chili restaurant in an airport” bad
Doctor: your body has run out of magnesium
Me: 0mg
I stopped a man on the street to give me directions and he politely asked ”you want to go somewhere?”. I have to admit I hesitated for a bit
dating apps never work for me because i need at least two years of friendship charged with weird sexual tension to even consider falling in love
this was very charming
There’s plenty of fish in the sea… For example, Christian:
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“Band practice, I told you.”
“Is your homework done?”
“Yes, DAD.”
“Be home by 6 for dinner.”
“But-“
“No buts, Mom’s making your favorite.”
i know i’m gonna be alone forever because one time i went on a date with a guy who told me he was an optometrist for the veterans association and i said “haven’t they seen enough”
Just a reminder: 3-year-olds like to be given a choice! When you’re getting ready to go, ask them “would you like to wear sneakers or sandals?” so that they feel INCLUDED and EMPOWERED to scream at the top of their lungs that they want to wear their Mickey Mouse bedroom slippers
