🎵 I can’t wait to
Excited to reach 100k on Gmail, thanks everyone for the support on my creator journey
School is starting soon so time to settle this debate once and for all
What color is math?
☠️ ☠️
Them: are you busy right now
Me: (just laid down) yes
Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.
Not to brag, but my best yoga pose is awkward facing dog.
Poetry is low key problematic. Writing down your feelings in an abstract way and then putting the emotional labor of processing it on me? You know I’m an empath right?
putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep
TV 20 years ago: “it starts out clunky but if you suffer through the first 45 episodes it starts to almost get good!”
TV now: “If this 8hrs of tv doesn’t break all viewing records within the first 20 minutes of its release we’re going to shoot the cast”
The possibility of monsters residing underneath your bed is negated when the mattress is positioned on the floor.
Two robbers were robbing a liquor store when one robber grabs a bottle and asks the other robber “is this whiskey?”
The other says “yeah but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank”.
What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?