eating plastic bags is awesome. i don’t know why everybody is getting mad at me for doing it
Reminded of the time I was at college, coming home to find my ma worried sick because there’d been rioting in Belfast. ‘I didn’t see any of it’, I said.
10 o’clock news comes on and there I am walking past a police land-rover being attacked with my headphones in. None the wiser.
Stop
He looks like heâs got a lot to say
My husband, on the phone to social security administration to report that they still have not recorded his mother’s death (more than a year ago) and are still sending ss checks–
–SS phone lady says: so are you reporting your own death?
–Hubs says: ….No… I’m alive.
đŹ
âTaco Bell isnât even goodâ Yeah I know. Sometimes the raccoon inside of me craves garbage. Leave me & my Crunchwrap alone
Bf dropped his head for a full 30 seconds of silence bc he was explaining the stock market crash to me and I sagely supplied âitâs because mercury went into retrograde yesterdayâ
When I said I start work at 6:30 am I meant that I sit at my desk and drink coffee. I didn’t mean that I wanted you to schedule a meeting at that time I hate you now.
no way đ
Gas station lines at 2 am:
earlier I was standing in a queue to get into a show with my producer and she pointed at someone and said, âthatâs Gerard Butlerâ and I sort of did a friendly wave at him, because I didnât know who Gerard Butler was and I thought he was maybe one of her friends
My friends have canceled our dinner plans three nights in a row. I’m starting to think they donât like dinner.
discovering that i’ve become kind of a savant for determining if checked baggage is under the weight limit because 23kg is just a bit under the weight of a full 20L keg. just one of the many positive things beer has given me