My new baby cousin is half Bengali/ quarter Portuguese and a quarter Nigerian. And the first thing my uncle says is welcome to the world baby United Nations 😭😭😭😭😭
Lots of bills lately. I might have to sell a kidney. Haven’t decided whose yet.
Loan Officer: And the reason for the loan?
Me: I need printer ink.
Guys which shade of gery should I get
I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.
Is it wrong that I lied on my tinder profile about how many tusks I have?
oh you like nyc? name every rat
I’ve had some terrible ideas but never “chili restaurant in an airport” bad
Doctor: your body has run out of magnesium
Me: 0mg
I stopped a man on the street to give me directions and he politely asked ”you want to go somewhere?”. I have to admit I hesitated for a bit
dating apps never work for me because i need at least two years of friendship charged with weird sexual tension to even consider falling in love
this was very charming
