My 6yo was mad I wouldn’t get him the puppy popsicles
We don’t have a dog
My grandparents have been married for 62 years. When I asked them what was their secret to such a long marriage, my grandmother said God is punishing her
I’ve been to Australia. That was their best dancer.
Local theater is doing CATS and I went last night and it’s very enjoyable but also super unrealistic; not one of the “cats” sat on a table and knocked shit onto the floor
I use the tempura karate technique. For when you only want to lightly batter your opponent.
Ducktails gave me very unrealistic expectations of generational wealth among waterfowl
My doctor just diagnosed me with a severe lack of awareness.
That came out of nowhere.
Silence of the Lambs is so relatable to me cuz I also understand the importance of moisturizing
Spent the evening varnishing my Grandparents dining room floor. Here’s a list of things they offered me in the three hours I was there…
a friend of mine dresses like Adam sandler but sometimes she’ll swap the oversized tee for a tiny top and she calls it the madam sandler
Me: teachers have a hard job, stop treating them as babysitters.
also me when school resumes in the fall: OH THANK GOD
It’s crazy people waste their time with hobbies and family when there are strangers on the internet who need to be argued with
my 10 year old son is about to start trombone lessons this year at school.
his band teacher’s intro email has me howling!
shazam but for whatever the fuck goes on in the apartment upstairs