Digging my own grave bc I GOTTA DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE
I wish people could jam like printers. Someone hands you a piece of paper & you could read half, throw it on the ground, stomp on it, pick it up, crumble it, straighten it back out, & then hand it back to them all mangled. For fun.
I’ve started using a firming serum and have definitely noticed a difference. I’m making firm decisions now.
My Target bill was $23 this month. Either I am really getting my shit together or someone at corporate has made a terrible mistake.
me: hi do you take walk ins?
funeral parlor director: what?
The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.
I don’t really understand the rules for Pommel Horse, so either this is all very impressive or I am witnessing some of the worst attempts to sit down I’ve ever seen.
My cousin and her husband fell in love despite playing for rival marching bands, and yet she refuses to write a romance novel based on the experience
Stop making me make accounts. A lightbulb that changes colors shouldn’t require an account. A TV speaker shouldn’t require an account.
Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “disconcerting”?
Leo: They say the best revenge is living well, when in fact the best revenge is living IN a well and poisoning your enemy’s water supply with your foul presence.
Are the people in charge of naming the Valspar paints ok?
Buc-ee’s is truly a monstrosity. A convenience store so large it becomes the most inconvenient shopping experience imaginable. Even the name defies convenience. Autocorrect almost begs you not to find one or speak of this Godless temple of man’s excess. 5 stars
people who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything. its labor day and theyre like waittt u know what would be perfect rn
