Boss I didn’t win Powerball please ignore previous text. I WILL be in today & everybody should NOT get fucked
just give your kids the ipad they’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.
Why is my phone always out of memory, I grumble to myself as I sit here deleting 500 pictures of my kid’s big toe
*discovering a dead body*
Friend: When I said call for help I kind of meant the police?
Me: Aww man…sorry dude, you heard him.
Guy from Blue’s Clues: I’m still getting paid right
Getting on the floor to pick up a piece of paper after doing deadlifts was a choice
I guess I live down here now
The manual for my motorized wheelchair says “Do not operate while tired. ” I haven’t moved in six years.
taylor swift should write a song about people who don’t return their shopping carts to the corrals
My six year old has recently discovered the existence of “opposite day,” and in keeping with the theme let me just say I love it. It’s a lot of fun.
Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.
😂😅😂
Might run for office so everyone can see how skinny I was back in college.
sometimes i miss this memes
