Me: I’m not much of a sports guy anymore.
Me, during the Olympics: Bear with me. The US women’s water polo team absolutely embarrassed Greece in the pool this morning, and I lost my voice in all the excitement. You understand.
Better luck next time champ
My kid, asking the important questions after I told her I’d gone to the PTA meeting this morning, “How did you wear your hair?”
I have chosen my priorities!
#studies #exams
Science is fun!
#nottrue
Windows
For those of you wondering why there’s no swim-up bar in the Olympic pool that swimmers can visit mid-race for a pina colada, it’s for financial reasons: given the cost of hiring bar staff and the 8-person limit in the pool, there’s just no way a bar would be financially viable.
a lot of my Olympics excitement is knowing I can’t do that.
the internet’s always like, “just start carving $100,000 marble! can’t be a sculptor if you don’t try!”
It’s nice watching some kid swim faster than a submarine while I snack, knowing I don’t have to compete with that
Publisher: You have a good story here, but I hate the main character.
Me: It’s an autobiography.
Looking for a pet that is friendly, loyal, fun and, in the eventuality of an apocalypse, tasty.
Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?
It’s been six months and I still haven’t received the book I ordered: “How to Scam People”.
I woke up this morning with stir-fry all over my bed.
I was probably sleep-wokking again.
