I have said this before, but it’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle
Do y’all watch the results come or do you go to bed around now and wait to see what Democracy Claus left you in the morning?
the skeleton manning the ship inside of my brain is trying to push my brain out of my head and replace it with a rock. i might let him
It doesn’t really matter who wins today as long as both candidates tried their best and had fun.
Hmmmmmmm….
No self control, must pet the kitty 😂
People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.
*Into hospital bathroom emergency intercom*: um, someone put the toilet roll on backwards
Being my friend is a walk in the park, but the park is on fire and sometimes the squirrels eat your cookies
He went from scream to scary movie in seconds😭
I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here
I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.
Voting is the worst group project
indiana??? now they’re just making up states
