“Dave, don’t, he ain’t worth it bro”
Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board…
Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.
The universe isn’t working so I’m going to turn it off and back on again. You will cease to exist for a few minutes. I apologize for the inconvenience.
The massive row between me and my wife at her cousin’s wedding was actually staged because I needed to leave early for a work thing, and she wanted to get back at her cousin for getting engaged at our wedding.
in 3 months
kinda wild that i pay tons of money in taxes for bombs each year and have no bombs
Did you know that the sound of fallen leaves scattering across the pavement in the wind sounds just like someone running up behind you in the dark?
Did you also know that I can run 83 mph?
[on a ladder vacuuming trees so I don’t have to rake]: everyone else is stupid
Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.
well this is just bullshirt
My fantasy football season is going great
Margot Robbie has welcomed her first child, a boy, People reports.
Saw two dads share a dad joke out in the wild.
At a grocery store, two guys exchanging a cart. The guy taking the cart said “did ya put some gas in it?” And the other guy patted the cart and said “yep, filled ‘er up for ya” and they had a good little chuckle together
