If an astronaut goes really fast they’re a fastronaut
I fixed it. For me
How does someone manage that 🤨
I’ve reached the part of my summer where I’m excited that I’ll soon be able to stop checking my kids’s heads for ticks and go back to just checking for lice
I toss and turn in bed all night like a beautiful rotisserie chicken.
seriously you guys
My new baby cousin is half Bengali/ quarter Portuguese and a quarter Nigerian. And the first thing my uncle says is welcome to the world baby United Nations 😭😭😭😭😭
Lots of bills lately. I might have to sell a kidney. Haven’t decided whose yet.
Loan Officer: And the reason for the loan?
Me: I need printer ink.
Guys which shade of gery should I get
I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.
Is it wrong that I lied on my tinder profile about how many tusks I have?
oh you like nyc? name every rat
I’ve had some terrible ideas but never “chili restaurant in an airport” bad
