Server: Have you dined before?
Me: Have I d- like in general?
Server:
Me: Yeah. Yes.
My friends are always encouraging me to persist. “Don’t quit your day job.”
Tonight I will make history!
Turns off incognito mode
same but as an audience member
pitch: he’s a man who’s a doctor
tv execs: go on
pitch: but he is better than other doctors
tv execs: *nodding enthusiastically*
pitch: because of his Condition
tv execs: *sobbing, screaming, foaming at the mouth* this must be the only kind of show on the air from now on
Someone once threw some herbs in my eyes. It didn’t blind me but I’m now parsley sighted.
You heard.
What do you mean “Just Standing There Glaring And Hissing At People” doesn’t count as socializing
me: you guys sell gift cards?
funeral parlor director: what?
I come from a family of failed magicians.
I have 2 half sisters
Regional Manager added me to the wrong Slack channel at work. There were discussions on overlooking 3 certain people for promotions & ideas on how to get them fired, because they were in a union. Long story short, I’m the regional manager now and the 3 people got their promotions
