I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.
Never date someone just for their body. Intros, conclusions, and section transitions matter.
Got kicked out of the gang for taking instant photos of the homies and calling them brolaroids
Can we please stop with the travel hack of booking seats on the aisle and window in the hope of having a spare seat in between? As a solo traveller who has now been stuck in between these travel hackers it sucks. Talking over me, passing snacks over me etc. Just sit together.
The man who invented AutoCorrect walks into a barn.
He orders a bear.
my lawyer: so, you wish to be cryogenically frozen & you are not to be unthawed until somebody kills that big spider in your bathroom?
me, eating a corn dog: that’s correct, your honor.
Statisticly 6 out of 7 dwarfs arent happy…
hmmmmmm
The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.
Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.
just remembered my uber driver who messaged me that he had to stop for something and showed up 12 minutes late with chocolate on his face
My son drew this picture of a giraffe. He explained that he ran out of room for the giraffe’s head 😆 I like it!
