Why is peter pan always flying?
He neverlands.
I like this joke because it never grows old.
Whenever your girlfriend tells you she’s on her period remember not to say things like “that explains it”.
Whenever your girlfriend tells you she’s on her period remember not to say things like ‘that explains it.’
What do we want?
“More existentialist jokes!”
When do we want them?
“Why?”
The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.
Searching for people who think “cologne” is spelled “colony”, is my favourite thing to do
My 10 year old:
If nothing is faster than the speed of light, how did darkness get there first?
Me: WHAT?!
shark: *smirking* no hablo inglés
Crow just flew by me carrying a whole bagel in his mouth and I cheered at the sky like my son just won a sports scholarship
Spider-Man, Spider-Man
Chillin in his camper van,
Kickin back, drinkin booze,
Head to toe in sweet tattoos.
Hang on,
That is not Spider-Man.
She: It’s not working between us
He: Why?
She: For starters, I can’t handle your silly jokes
He: Hmm, okay and for main course?
If my tweet gets more than ten likes, it’s a classic. If it gets fewer than ten likes, it’s a cult classic.
I’m the picture of health, but not a very flattering picture. I’m the passport photo of health.
Roses are red,
Wine is red,
Poems are hard,
Wine.(Not mine, but very lovely)
