Big up the 12 yr old kid on my daughter’s school camping trip who has mistakenly got my number listed in her phone as my daughter’s number and so has been texting me from her tent at midnight and 2am going SO WHAT’S THE PLAN?
3yo (in his car seat): Mommy, I want you to cross you legs like a pretzel.
Me (driving): Can’t do that, honey.
3: Well, that’s just the way things are today.
Me: No, honey, I’m driving.
3: 🙄 MOMMY. I am doing it in the car. It is EASY!This is every influencer giving “advice.”
Me: I got a new blanket
My dogs:
Due to inflation, a picture is now worth 2370 words.
No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.
If you turn it upside down, a pyramid scheme works out nicely for everyone except the one guy at the bottom.
If you purchase flame retardant pants, you can tell all the f****ng lies you want.
I think we should let the Just Stop Oil girl out of prison to attend her brother’s wedding, but then stage a protest and block the roads.
Does anyone know if it’s possible to buy the transcripts of audiobooks? Thanks
He has no idea 🤡
This scene was so out of pocket looking back 😭 ☠️
Me: I’m Absolutely broke
State of the art tech advertisers who know every single detail of my life: She needs the nicest most expensive bag ever! Oh and Taylor Swift tickets, at 3 times the original price!
#wtfuture
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature?
Tequila mockingbird.