Canada’s plan to take over the US is coming along nicely.
They sent down cold & snow to places that almost never get it.
Well played Canada, well played.
I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.
Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler
I tried the Japanese method of decluttering, where you hold an object in your hands for a minute and if it doesn’t bring you any joy you say goodbye.
So far I’ve thrown out all the vegetables, the hoover, and a pile of ironing…
peeing after esex so i don’t get an hdmi
Stop blaming yourself for everything. Learn Feng Shui and blame the fucking furniture
They should make a tanning bed that constantly rolls you over like a gas station hotdog.
I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and retweet if you agree.
i hate it when someone gives me a valid solution to my problem and i have to find something new to complain about
10am: thinking roast chicken dinner with some steamed veggie’s and a baked potato.
5pm: ☎️ Can I get a large meat lovers pizza please
I could open a chip bag on the back 40 and my 6yo gonna show up outta no where wanting some like how tf does he do that!?
Delete hinge and date that nice man who lives in his van down by the river
My husband reached for his black hat from the hats and gloves basket that we keep by the front door, except it was the cat.
The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.
I don’t like papier-mâché because it exposes children to both glue and French.