Gemini: Sometimes you are your own worst enemy. Not today though. Today it is Jeff.
Right, that’ll keep the plane spotters away from the bottom of the runway, next job…
Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.
People are so nosy. “What’s your name” “who is your primary care physician” “do you have health insurance” mind your beezwax
an I working from home…. or living at work? 🤔🤔🤔
how I feel after a shower
versus how I look after a shower
Me: The dog ate the meatloaf I made for you.
Him: That’s okay. I’ll pick up a pizza and bury the dog when I get home.
I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?
sales in 2004: buy 1 get 1 free
sales in 2024:
Every time I start typing in “linkedin” on one of my browsers I just hit enter when it auto-fills and I always end up accidentally viewing the profile of some random person whose profile I once reviewed.
This guy is probably like “why is she so obsessed with me”
I moved the karaoke machine from under my bed to the kitchen so I can sing along when cooking. It scares the dog and drives my daughter crazy so I’d say it’s a big hit.
“and who is your primary care doctor” buddy it’s 2024. are you also gonna ask me who my butler is or where I’ve parked my lamborghini, be for real
I was trying to catch a cricket in the house this morning and was yelling at it, “I know this is scary, but stop struggling I’m trying to help you!” Probably the same thing the universe is always yelling at me.
i want it utterly assaulted.
