sales in 2004: buy 1 get 1 free
sales in 2024:
Every time I start typing in “linkedin” on one of my browsers I just hit enter when it auto-fills and I always end up accidentally viewing the profile of some random person whose profile I once reviewed.
This guy is probably like “why is she so obsessed with me”
I moved the karaoke machine from under my bed to the kitchen so I can sing along when cooking. It scares the dog and drives my daughter crazy so I’d say it’s a big hit.
“and who is your primary care doctor” buddy it’s 2024. are you also gonna ask me who my butler is or where I’ve parked my lamborghini, be for real
I was trying to catch a cricket in the house this morning and was yelling at it, “I know this is scary, but stop struggling I’m trying to help you!” Probably the same thing the universe is always yelling at me.
i want it utterly assaulted.
We told you to stop at 2012
– the mayans
every olympics i turn into this guy
Date: Did you just spit your tooth out?
Me: Oh that’s not mine
if you sweat while you eat it should count as a workout
They need an Olympic event where competitors see how long they can work a dead end job.
I put a NEW DRIVER sticker on my car so people will have mixed emotions when I cut them off.
god!! did anyone stop by your house and drop off your award for having that opinion earlier than most people?
If you breakdance you buy dance.
i wonder why they stopped looking
