every olympics i turn into this guy
Date: Did you just spit your tooth out?
Me: Oh that’s not mine
if you sweat while you eat it should count as a workout
They need an Olympic event where competitors see how long they can work a dead end job.
I put a NEW DRIVER sticker on my car so people will have mixed emotions when I cut them off.
god!! did anyone stop by your house and drop off your award for having that opinion earlier than most people?
If you breakdance you buy dance.
i wonder why they stopped looking
to make olympic skateboarding more realistic they should release kids with scooters into the park that the competitors must navigate around
who else up pondering the strange drawings on their door
Girls Just Want To Have Naan
That sweet loving feeling when your kids have been asleep for a couple of hours, the house is quiet, and then you hear one of them get up to pee and you’re certain that not an ounce of urine is actually landing inside the toilet
You can catch a lot of flies with honey, but you can catch more honeys by being fly
if we’re bringing back satanic panic can we do a throwback to 80’s grocery prices too