I look after plant pots and hanging baskets for celebrities, which means I tend to shrub holders with the rich and famous.
Congratulating #CrowdStrike for reaching its carbon neutrality targets six years early through its disruption of global air traffic today!
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
Crowdstrike : its fine u just have to manually visit the PC boot it into safe mode and remove a sys file
US Organization with 50,000 pcs and a completely outsourced IT department in Bangalore : what
My mum just messaged to say that yesterday she turned off her 20 year old PC, ‘at the wall’, without shutting it down properly. ‘That couldn’t have caused anything, could it?’ 😂
‘Probably’.
bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction
True story: The tweets of a guy I follow that are always talking about Victorian people started making a lot more sense when I realised he lives in Victoria, Australia.
Nice to have free crisps in the hotel room and these look definitely fit for Consumption.
do not take me to an escape room. i was a c-section. someone is gonna have to come get me
friend: i’m just going to date myself
me: you can do better
[When my kids have ignored my text for 2 hours]
Me: I would appreciate a reply, please.
[When I have ignored my kids’ texts for more than 5 seconds]
Kids:
hello??
??
??
???
pls
plss
wya
??
???
BRO
COUPLE: “We’re trying for a baby”
OWNER OF HOOPLA STAND: “You know that’s just a doll, right?”
My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.
My mom texted me to say “we called a guy to help us with passions in the basement.”
It took me forever to figure out she meant type “possums.” Thanks for the lovely mental picture, autocorrect.
look scared
